Saturday, July 28, 2012

I've Been a Naughty Woman

Things have been crazy here and not even close to frugal. It seems that when you use a credit card "just this once" you (me ) suddenly think "oh, another 20 dollars isn't going to be a  big deal" and then "Eh, I already used this, what is one more time?". In other words, I have been the fail in the frugal department. It is going to take some doing to pull us out of this one. So, if you are in debt and are thinking that it just doesn't matter any more, take heart, you aren't the only one.

After graduating, I have student loans and a bit of credit card debt to make up for money I wasn't bringing in. Not a great plan, but better than going hungry, right? Not especially. We are now much more in debt and because I haven't been officially in the workplace since 2001 I am pretty much unhirable, despite my many years of experience, education and skill. This has been very discouraging and probably has contributed to my " I don't give a f****" attitude about money lately. I have been in the workplace off and on, but once I started school I couldn't do both and be in charge of the entire household. I know, there are many who can, but personally, I have my limitations. I also thought that graduating at the top of my class would mean something, but it really doesn't. I have been offered one job, and that was for 9.00 and hour at a Walgreen's which is a 45 minute drive away and no buses go there to save on gas and wear and tear on the car. Very discouraging. This is precisely the type of job that I am not supposed to have and why I am considered "disabled" by my state. I can't get money for it for various reasons, but I am disabled. My motivation for school was because of this unfortunate turn of events. I was ready to deal until I was told I had to give a urine test. At first I was "okay" with it. It is humiliating and terrible, especially for such a low paying job (in my state there is no way you can live on that, or even two jobs at that wage. Rent alone would take all of it, even at the cheapest places). I was ready to go ahead and hope I could manage until a better job came about. Then I read the release. Paraphrased it said that it could share my testing information with any employer. Since I am on a number of medications that bring a false positive and I would have to prove that, I was not amused. My bosses have no need to know what medications I am on and I am certainly not going to give the place the right to share it with "any" future employer. Yes, I feel guilty about not doing the job, but this could put future, better paying jobs in jeopardy.

The decision has been made by my entire family to go ahead and do graduate school now. I can go on the Archiving track at my alma mater, and my certificate at the same time. I will also be placed for an internship for a semester, thus netting me some current experience in the field. It is going to be expensive, which is where the frugal, or not so frugal comes in. Adding more debt is not what we want to do, but me not finding a decent paying job is going to add debt no matter how we look at it.  I have gone this far, I may as well go all the way, which we were planning anyway, once the bills were caught up.

I also had a mini stroke recently (last week), and that has not made things easier. I am still plowing ahead with my application, but I have been left forgetful and it is difficult to concentrate. I was also in the hospital for a week. Thank goodness for insurance! My state already has a health care reform law similar to the Federal one, and because of that I was covered. That is 5,000.00 a day for six days. The block is inoperable as far as this hospital is concerned, so I am bringing it to a better one, because Plavix and aspirin alone is basically buying time. There is a time bomb in my head. Before anyone thinks it, they can not figure out why I have this. I have lost considerable weight (95 lbs in the last year and still losing), my cholesterol is within normal limits, I can't have any milk products with lactose (less cholesterol in my diet) along with many other diet restrictions which kind of force me to be healthy even if I were disinclined to do it on my own.

Why am I sharing all of this? Partly because I need to vent for my own purposes, and also because it is important to give others a good look at how someone trying to be frugal can be waylaid. If you are going through big things, well, you aren't alone. It IS hard. I am not even sure if we can do it. What I will try to do (if I don't feel too embarrassed and guilty) is share how things are going. My purpose in this is to help others, and my experience tells me that being all "perfect" really doesn't help people, especially normal folks who falter and sometimes just fail. Folks reading this need to know what a screw up I can be and that we all make pretty crappy choices sometimes. You are not alone.

Hopefully this is the beginning of straightening out this mess. Yes, I am adding to it with school. I am not sure if that is wise or not, I hear conflicting beliefs and facts on this. So, unsteadedly and afraid, we (my family and I) are stepping out into it and taking a gamble. While we do such, it will be incredibly important to not add too much to our debt. That is mind, we set off in a new direction and hopefully a more frugal and thoughtful one.

Thank you for reading.